The rational girl puts a guy on probation for about 3-6 months before she can decide what to do with him. This is to accord her royal self-ample time to experience the glam and scam he has to offer. In the end, the guy is either banked or bagged (into a trash bag of course). Sad how the latter may have invested in flowers, cards and candy but still got tossed. Well, sometimes it is about the small habits which are overlooked. Check your demeanor against these common yet revolting habits.
The Fish Guy
Reminds me of when my fish swallowed a pebble and had its mouth stuck open for days. Nobody wants to be in love and suspect that their soul mate is anything different from a mammal.
“The idea of a good kiss is to get lost in it not look lost by it!” A friend of mine said during one of those girls’ nights in.
“Tony’s (her ex) was so bad! He opened his mouth so wide and took in half my nose. I would suffocate. Remember how handsome he was? Sigh. Buuut, I didn’t want to die!”
You are also up for eviction if you sleep with your mouth and eyes (slightly) open. I have not heard of a person who wants to turn in the night to find a zombie next to them. Have you?
The Farting Master
Farting is healthy, if you insist Mayo Clinic, until it becomes the reason why everyone is pouring out of the elevator gasping for fresh air. Ever heard of the theory which says that the more silent the fart the deadlier it is? Well, it is valid. If you’re a felon of such emissions, you know how the odor lingers on. It welcomes those who come by 15 minutes later.
If my aunt, Mumbua, was asked…Indians are the biggest culprits of the farting business.
“My boss lets it out regardless of who is in his office or walking behind him,” she said. She admits that most Indians are handsome. This trend, however, is such a turn off.
“And I’m yet to meet a different one! This is in the office. How about at home? This guy will drop bombs. Skunk bombs!”
In this era of intensified grenade attacks in Kenya, the last thing you need is explosions in the house. Moreover, have you realized how the body of the people with the habit of farting all the time gets a permanent odor similar to that of their fart? Who wants to keep a guy who smells like fart all the time? Ugh.
Your table manners is lacking whereas your appetite is piggy. This type drinks audibly and their chewing style is vomitous. All the neighbors know your meal times! The guy talks with food in his mouth. Those sitting next to you, in a restaurant may be, will definitely have involuntary donation of chewed bits of food from his ‘chewer’ to their plates. Funny how people with the worst eating mannerisms are always eating. Look, even the God deplores greed.
Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags, Proverbs 23:20-21.
The hogs make their girls wish they were on the date with the waiter instead.
Now there is this lot of human beings who cannot use deodorant because it is ‘chemicals’. This lot also seem to have an allergy against bathing soap and toothpaste, among other hygiene appliances. Psst…hey, these things are ne-C-E-SS-ary. Their dressing is also outrageous.
Elsie, a former neighbour, told me an amusing story last week. She was seeing this 30 year old guy. He never liked to shower. She gradually dragged him into her side of life where people shower daily. One morning, the soap fell into the toilet while they were taking a shower. Shamelessly… he bent over, reached into the toilet bowl and picked the soap. It kept slipping off his hands as he got up but he was having none of that. He dashed back in over and over to pick it up, frantically juggling it in the air like a clown does balls at a six year old’s birthday party.
God help us, I thought.
Man is to err but ladies like Mercy Sewe (18-20) from the University of Nairobi, do not want to have to make excuses to avoid being with a man in public.
“Correcting him is a viable option. But when it starts to feel like a losing battle then he has to go.”
Cecilia Kavita, a psychologist working with (HIAS) Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society agrees that such behaviour can be a nuisance.
“The difference in people’s behaviours is determined by their social background. When you find yourself in a relationship with such a man, you either put up with it or let him go,” she said.
Well, we are only human but please note: in May 2013, Deborah Ann Burns stabbed her boyfriend Willie Butler for farting. This was in Florida,US. They had been married for six years. They had an argument over money and when Willie broke the wind, she head for an eight inch knife and gave him his due. You really do not want to end up murdered, now do you?
I am sure that there’s an annoying type out there that I have not captured here. What’s your add-to-list?